To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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