the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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