Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
