Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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