She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
