do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize