i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
