Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
