I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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