someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
