it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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