Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
