He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
