Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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