we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
