dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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