Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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