I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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