There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
