It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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