Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
