just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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