glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
