I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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