Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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