This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
