go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
