your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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