you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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