I don't usually arrange sex via text message
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Houston, we have a blender
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
