You can't motorboat a personality
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
