he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
