PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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