There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
