im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
