Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
