White coat. Heels.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
