Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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