It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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