Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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