i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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