haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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