i wish there were pregnant emoticons
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
