But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
