Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it glows. i had to have it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
