He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
