That's when you crack a 10am beer
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
