I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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