She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
