i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
