so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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